Health Acceptance

As I come here this morning after about 2-3 weeks or more of serious health issues that most of it I am sure was caused from my drug usage and drinking, among living a life that was full of being a little bit more than on the wild side, I need to come here and talk about acceptance. They say in the program that acceptance is the answers to all of our problems. LMMFAO

I am not too damn sure about everything that I hear, or everything that I read. But I have come to learn to have a open-mind on certain things and one of those things is that I do need to learn some acceptance in my life, even on the part of my life and my health that I am currently in.

I, like most addicts/alcoholics have drank and used most of there lives and most of us will continue to use no matter what. Why? Because in my own experience once you have passed that so called imaginary line you have nothing left but to use. You mind has been transfered and the decisions that would be healthy become unhealthy and all we can do than is think about that next line, hit, smoke, or whatever else is there. I have come to know that even being clean for almost 2 years now that my mind still has a addict mind or my thought patterns in certain areas are about the same.

Because of the lifestyle and the usage that I have done, my health has turned and not very well for being a guy that is only 47. Having COPD (emphasema) and now a heart condition that came on because I couldn’t breath. I sit here finding myself not at all able to do anything really at all. Even being here and trying to maintain my sites is a chore and very stressful. This stuff is causing issues with me and also with my health since I had what would be considered a heart attach on the 18th of last month. Being in the hospital for 10 days and not remembering any of it but the last two days. Kinda sad but so true.

Since my release and bedridden I have had to change servers, trying to help a client of mine on the internet with his site, and still myself teaching myself all of this stuff which I have no one to ask about is a chore. I continue to keep going though, but …. it almost seems to me that there might have to be a time when I have to say….enough is enough. I have no friends on the Internet that have the knowledge that I need to try and help me, so that I can ask them questions. I search and search and most of the time I can get the answers but right now with what has happened to my health I am left in complete defeat.

With around 10 websites that I am the owner of, and all recovery based to give back to what was so freely given to me I am to the point in my life I think where I might have to make a decision to let go…. This is really going to be a decision that I will have to really look at because I have put so much time and energy and not to say money into promoting these sites and they are doing really well. So I come here writing because that is what I was taught to do, not to whine but to get it out, look at it and than make a decision. Maybe slow down might be it? Does a guy have to post in a blog everyday to try and make it in the hits or what is the point anyways? Spreading the word that you can live without using!!!!